5 things I have learned in my 5 year relationship

For those of you lucky enough to know my boyfriend, Dominic, you know that he can make a person feel like an old friend with one flash of that squinty-eyed smile. That's what initially drew me to him five years ago. After a year of crushing on him from a distance, he finally got the hint.

We started dating sophomore year of high school. As many relationships are at that age, it was blissful, romantic, and easy. We were so happy, we had all our friends around us supporting our relationship, and we were deeply and truly in love. This honeymoon period lasted for about 2 years. 

 

Summer '15 (The Honeymoon Phase)

Around senior year, the reality of leaving for college really began to sink in. After we had both decided on our own schools in separate cities, we were hit with the reality that we were either going to have to do long-distance or break up. It completely shifted my world, I felt like I had been living with blinders on up to this point. Space began to grow between us, especially the summer before we left. Shortly after we got to college, we broke up. I won't get into the details of the break up here, for more specifics on that period of my life check out my Green Juice Reflection.

Our period apart was a time of tremendous growth for me. I felt intensely alone, but I dealt with it and I know that it made me a stronger person. My love for Dominic was unchanged. When we decided to get back together later that year, we both brought new perspectives that changed the entire dynamic of our relationship. It felt like two adults entering a relationship, with a more mature understanding of choosing to be with someone and all the implications of that decision. 

That was spring of our freshman year of college. Today, we are juniors, and I can say with confidence that we are the strongest we have ever been. We have grown together, sharing moments of tragedy and moments of triumph. We have faced many highs and many lows. We have shaped each other's understandings of the world, teaching and receiving lessons from one another. Below, I have done my best to encapsulate the lessons I have learned from this impactful relationship into a concise list. 

1.  Take note of the things you love about your partner and then tell them often!

Words of reassurance and encouragement have always been a key factor in our relationship. I am quite the ~affectionate~ person and find great joy in telling people the things I love about them. Dominic is receptive to this love from me, which I really appreciate. He is also wonderful at speaking up about the things within me that he admires. Genuine compliments keep the appreciation for each other strong.

2. A partner should help you grow more deeply into who you are.

One of the most special parts of our relationship has been the space for individual growth for the both of us. We are a fantastic match but don't get me wrong, we are super different. It is important for us both to recognize and appreciate this, encouraging each other in individual pursuits so that we are both able to bring our best selves to the relationship.

3. Be honest, always, even if it isn't easy.

This one is hard. But an authentic, transparent relationship is worth it. As I mentioned, Dominic and I have different opinions on a lot of matters. This could seem like a reason to argue or feel distant from a partner. However, with respectful honesty, it is also a wonderful way to spark meaningful conversations which help to better understand all the unique facets of one another. Dominic's bold honesty is one of the things I love most about him, as he openly shares his opinions and keeps an open mind to receive mine. 

4. Understand and respect each other's priorities, even if your own personal ones differ.

Authenticity and the ability to pursue your own interests within a relationship allow for an expansive, fulfilling experience for both people. Getting to know the true passions and priorities of Dominic has provided me with insight about when to joke, when not to joke, when to compromise, etc. It greatly improves our communication and overall satisfaction.

5. It is possible to fall in love with someone all over again everyday. Let yourself.

I swear, I learn a new way to love Dominic every single day. Sometimes it is through a fight. Sometimes it is through the best date ever. Sometimes it is through sitting on the couch. I truly believe that if you open your eyes to find the new ways to love and care for each other, it is an unending road that will keep the relationship dynamic and fresh.

Summer '19 (The More-Realistic Adult(ish) Phase)

Thank you Dominic for loving me and encouraging me to be my own, unique person. I can't express enough gratitude for you.

xoxo, AIS