Remaining whole when you find your "other half"

My man is the best. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that he is the person who stands beside me through it all. I often feel that he so truly is a living, breathing version of my other half. That being said, I am not only half so this phrase can be troubling to me. Still, he is my perfect opposite in all the right ways. 

It all sounds pretty cute right? All of those statements are completely genuine. But being able to say that now has come with years of juggling my sense of connection to him with a struggle of codependent tendencies. 

If you know me, you know I feel all my emotions on a DEEP level. This has its pros and cons but it's just a fact about me. Not surprisingly, this is true in my love life as well. Dominic and I fell in love hard and fast when we were quite young. I didn't have a strong understanding of myself as an individual when I met this amazing guy at 15 years old. What I did have a strong understanding of was the fact that he was special and it was important for me to take advantage of this opportunity to connect with him. The combination of a deep admiration for Dominic with a still-developing understanding of myself led to some not-so-healthy feelings of codependency on my part. 

Dominic has always been good at advocating for his own independence and encouraging me in my own, but it has only been in the past year or so that I have really invested energy into this mindset and started to feel the benefits from it. So while I think it is lovely to consider someone your second half, or even your better half, I want to focus today on the benefits of considering yourself a whole first.

My new mindset in my relationship is that we are two whole individuals coming together in a partnership. There are no halves here, because we are both complete on our own. Our unique individualities just happen to fit together very well, which contributes to a sense of authenticity in the relationship as a whole. Dominic always reminds me that I am complete as I am, and not every single thing about me needs to perfectly coincide with every single thing about him. As I said before, we are perfect opposites. We share so many mindsets but we are also different in so many ways. And we celebrate this! It is not only ok to have differences, but it is important and beneficial. It keeps things interesting!

Dominic and I have been on what I would consider a mindfulness journey for the past year, and with that has come this deep appreciation of individuality in each other. Mindfulness involves accepting the present moment as it is, not trying to think back to the past or ahead to the future to change anything. It means accepting what is, not what was or what could be. We carry this into our thoughts on the relationship by accepting exactly who the other one is at any given moment. This means the good times and the bad.* We recognize that disagreements are ok because we both respect each other's brains, so even if we have our own opinion we can appreciate the one being presented by our partner.

I feel passionately about this concept because it has dramatically increased the way I love myself which has greatly increased the love and support I am able to bring to my relationship. It's been said a million times, but in order to truly love someone else you need to love yourself first. When you have a partner that accepts you fully, in any given moment for who you truly are, it reinforces the foundational love that you should have for yourself first. 

While I say all of this in the context of my romantic relationship, it is also a mindset that I have been working on carrying into every relationship and interaction in my life. When we recognize and appreciate the wholeness of ourselves, we can recognize that wholeness in others. This leads to a deeper sense of respect and connectivity with all that is. 

I recognize what makes me me. I understand what sets me apart from Dominic, and what brings me closer to him. I accept all of those similarities and differences with grace. I also recognize what makes Dominic Dominic. I understand what sets him apart from me, and what brings him closer to me. I accept all of those similarities and differences with grace too. Bring all of your authentic beautiful self to your relationship. Do not hide or dim any of your light. If your partner doesn't accept every aspect of you, kiss them goodbye and find someone else who does.

It all starts with you. What makes you whole? Celebrate it 🌞

xoxo, AIS

*I do want to note here that if your partner is disrespecting or hurting you or anyone else with their words or actions, you do not need to accept this.